Prewalking and Platform Standing

You will often see savvy New Yorkers scrambling to be at a certain point on the platform before their train arrives. This is a phenomenon known as “prewalking.” By putting yourself where you will need to be for your next departure or transfer point, you ensure that you will be among the first people to reach that desired point, thereby expediting your voyage. Some (usually older) people mock this practice, but common consensus holds that since you need to walk that distance anyway, it is better done while you are underground, biding your time.

A word to the wise: avoid prewalking to the very ends of unknown (or known nefarious) subway stations, as these are the areas in which miscreants often choose to piss, puke, and have public sex. Also, serial killers and CHUD like to snatch pretty girls and boys from the ends of desolate platforms and drag them back to their lair.

Sidenote: Should you need to puke, don’t try to hang your head over the edge of the platform. A train could come and decapitate you. Also, don’t try to make it into the trash can. You won’t. Go to the end of the platform, as noted above, or aim for a place away from the path of traffic.

If you don’t know where the exit is for your next departure point, (or for some unfathomable reason don’t care to prewalk) please move away from the stairs when you enter the subway platform. Similarly, do not park it on parts of the platform with limited clearance, such as the two-foot wide walkways surrounding staircases and other tight spots. Forward-thinking prewalkers should not be forced to navigate teeming masses of hoi polloi as they negotiate the platform.

Should you choose to sit down, please first make sure there is no gum, cum, ink, or other foreign matter on the seat. Occupy only one seat, and put your bags on the floor so other people can also sit on the bench. Old people in particular like to sit down a lot; offer them your seat if they look like they want it. Ditto for pregnant women; just be sure they are actually pregnant. Getting pimp-smacked for inadvertently insulting a fat bitch can ruin your workday. Paved with good intentions, and all that.

When traveling with children (or stupid adults), refrain from allowing them to cram their bodies into the tiny recesses of the I-beams along the platforms. This area is an absolutely filthy repository of subway grime and grit, and letting your precious child squeeze their body into it is akin to allowing them to play hide and seek behind the toilet in a public restroom. Likewise, try to avoid having your children excessively handle subway walls, benches, or poles, as they are inexplicably compelled to put their hands directly into their mouths afterwards. Adults would also be wise to limit unnecessary touching and licking of subway surface areas, and to use a wet-nap or antibacterial hand cleaner after riding.

When Your Train Arrives
With a little forethought and attention, riders can usually anticipate the approach of the next subway train. Seasoned riders will extend a hand over the platform edge to feel for the breeze of an approaching subway train pushing through the tunnel.

Warning: Turn your head before the train enters the station, especially if you are near the end of the platform. The uprising of stale air reeks of piss, and the rush of the approaching train scatters tiny dirt particles, which can get into your eyes.

If you are unable to feel the train approaching, carefully step to the yellow line and peer down the tracks for a sign of approaching lights. Similarly, if you are already on a train and looking to make a connection with a local or express train running on the same line, keep your eyes peeled while riding and you may see what you need on a parallel track. Transfer at the next opportunity. You can also try to catch up to it. For example, if you just missed the B train at West 4th Street, but the F train is in the station, hop on that and ride one stop up to Broadway/Lafayette Street, where you may just be able to catch that B. Probably not, but maybe.

Trains often take a frustratingly long time to arrive, particularly at night. Try to avoid drunken outbursts directed toward the MTA. First, because MTA workers don’t care, and can’t do anything about it anyway. And second, because it could prove to be deadly. Once, at about 3 a.m., a drunken man on the Brooklyn-bound Atlantic Avenue N/R platform took out his aggression by punching a passing 7 train. Because the 7 is a slightly slimmer train than the N/R, when the man’s watch caught on the subway window he punched, he was dragged right under the train. It sounded like sneakers being thrown against the back wall of a closet. I had to yell to the conductor to stop the train. Luckily the man lived…I think. It was late, so when my train finally arrived, I wasn’t going to stick around for the gripping conclusion. Callous? That’s neither here nor there. Just don’t punch or otherwise initiate contact with a moving subway train. It’s dumb.

Exercise similar self-control when contemplating catching a ride on the running boards of departing trains—a sport popular with young men. As the MTA posters warn, “This could be the last ride of your life.”