Maintaining the appropriate amount of space between riders on a subway train is a constant battle. The rule of thumb is to always place the maximum amount of space available between yourself and the next closest rider. Similar to elevator etiquette, there is a prescribed spot intended for each subsequent rider. Deviating from this etiquette may cause fellow riders to give you the fisheye, silently hate you, or openly accuse you of being a pervert.
When sitting: Refer to the tips above to determine which seats are best. However, be ready to adjust your sitting pattern as the train dynamics change. For example, if you start your trip on a crowded train, it is acceptable to sit cheek-by-jowl with fellow riders. But when other passengers leave, opening up prime seats, it is considered odd to remain so close to a stranger. Move away, and give a bitch some breathing room!
Slide over to the end seat, or move to an empty two-seater bench and put your feet up (just move them when more riders or cops come through.) There is no rule that says you have to stay in the first seat you chose, i.e. “When the no smoking sign is off, feel free to move about the cabin.”
Conversely, if the train is empty when you board, it is considered highly odd (serial killer-ish, frankly) to sit directly next to the only other occupant. We all spend enough time crammed up against other people; enjoy the space when it’s available.
One notable exception: After months of scoping out a subway hottie, she enters an empty train, and sits directly next to me. Realizing the obvious oddity of the situation, I start a conversation, in which she discovers I am a magazine writer, and I learn that she is a hosiery designer. She offers me her number, and asks me to call if I find myself in need of socks or tights for photo fashion shoots. As she exits the train, I quip, “I’ll be sure to call you; I’m always looking for some good hose.” See subway flirting for more on this subject.
When standing: As mentioned before, hold onto something. If you choose one of the vertical bars in the middle, hold onto it with one hand, making sure not to rub against all the other hands holding on. Stand at arms’ length of the pole, and arrange your body sideways, so that it is in the most distant, disaffected position as relates to fellow bar-holders.
Advanced subway riders can sometimes “sub-surf,” negotiating turns, stops, and starts hands-free. This technique requires a moderately wide stance (not Senator Larry Craig wide), advanced levels of balance and dexterity, and the mental wherewithal to anticipate and quickly adapt to changes.
Should you choose to stand in front of door-standers, don’t stand with your back to them, like you’re stacked inside of a goddamned can of Pringles. Face them, and give them a reasonable comfort zone of space (at least two feet), with your body slightly turned at an angle so as not to imply a face-down, and hold onto the side bar.
When sitting: Refer to the tips above to determine which seats are best. However, be ready to adjust your sitting pattern as the train dynamics change. For example, if you start your trip on a crowded train, it is acceptable to sit cheek-by-jowl with fellow riders. But when other passengers leave, opening up prime seats, it is considered odd to remain so close to a stranger. Move away, and give a bitch some breathing room!
Slide over to the end seat, or move to an empty two-seater bench and put your feet up (just move them when more riders or cops come through.) There is no rule that says you have to stay in the first seat you chose, i.e. “When the no smoking sign is off, feel free to move about the cabin.”
Conversely, if the train is empty when you board, it is considered highly odd (serial killer-ish, frankly) to sit directly next to the only other occupant. We all spend enough time crammed up against other people; enjoy the space when it’s available.
One notable exception: After months of scoping out a subway hottie, she enters an empty train, and sits directly next to me. Realizing the obvious oddity of the situation, I start a conversation, in which she discovers I am a magazine writer, and I learn that she is a hosiery designer. She offers me her number, and asks me to call if I find myself in need of socks or tights for photo fashion shoots. As she exits the train, I quip, “I’ll be sure to call you; I’m always looking for some good hose.” See subway flirting for more on this subject.
When standing: As mentioned before, hold onto something. If you choose one of the vertical bars in the middle, hold onto it with one hand, making sure not to rub against all the other hands holding on. Stand at arms’ length of the pole, and arrange your body sideways, so that it is in the most distant, disaffected position as relates to fellow bar-holders.
Advanced subway riders can sometimes “sub-surf,” negotiating turns, stops, and starts hands-free. This technique requires a moderately wide stance (not Senator Larry Craig wide), advanced levels of balance and dexterity, and the mental wherewithal to anticipate and quickly adapt to changes.
Should you choose to stand in front of door-standers, don’t stand with your back to them, like you’re stacked inside of a goddamned can of Pringles. Face them, and give them a reasonable comfort zone of space (at least two feet), with your body slightly turned at an angle so as not to imply a face-down, and hold onto the side bar.
Should you need to hover over the person in the map seat to find directions, please be sure to move away once you have accomplished your goal. Hanging over the map seat air-humping your way to your chosen stop is creepy, and it prevents other lost individuals from accessing information about upcoming stops.
In general, if you are standing adjacent to a middle of a set of seats, try to avoid hanging onto the top bar hovering over the hapless sittee below, weaving your legs between theirs. Unless you are dating, back the fuck up! This isn’t a cast call for the long-anticipated remake of Dirty Dancing. Also avoid standing with your crotch pressed up against people sitting on perpendicular two-seaters benches. Your nuts in their hair does not qualify as business casual.
Finally, most heinous of all: Do not stand in front of an empty seat blocking it, when other people clearly would sit down if possible. This fuckery simply will not be tolerated.
In general, if you are standing adjacent to a middle of a set of seats, try to avoid hanging onto the top bar hovering over the hapless sittee below, weaving your legs between theirs. Unless you are dating, back the fuck up! This isn’t a cast call for the long-anticipated remake of Dirty Dancing. Also avoid standing with your crotch pressed up against people sitting on perpendicular two-seaters benches. Your nuts in their hair does not qualify as business casual.
Finally, most heinous of all: Do not stand in front of an empty seat blocking it, when other people clearly would sit down if possible. This fuckery simply will not be tolerated.
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