Fuck Google Maps

Many people may point to Google maps as if advice like mine were now no longer warranted. No, I resolutely reply, How to Ride is not about station stops and shortcuts, but about etiquette and insider-rider savvy. To be fair, I accessed Google maps to see what kinds of advice they would offer regarding my morning commute. The results were laughable, I daresay even ludicrous: to travel from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn to Wall Street, they suggested taking the R to Atlantic Ave./Pacific St., and transferring to the 2/3 to Wall Street.

This is wrong on so many fronts. First of all, if you are traveling during morning rush hour, every other R train will meet up with an N express at 59th Street. Transfer there and take the express all the way to Atlantic Ave./Pacific St., keeping an eye out for the M local train on the opposite track, which will take you in only four stops to Broad Street, at the corner of Wall. Bada-boom, bada-bing.

If you miss the express and take the R train local all the way to the top of Brooklyn, it doesn’t make sense to switch at all—you may as well go four more stops and just walk up Water Street to Wall. It takes only five minutes. And, what Google maps won’t tell you about their “handy” 2/3 transfer is that going between these two tracks means navigating about 200 stairs. There is a hefty, steep flight up from the N/R, another steep flight down, a short traverse through the underground passage, and then a hustle up another very steep staircase. All in morning rush hour. Plus, once you are there, the 2/3 train still hits about six stops before it reaches Wall Street.

My point being, how this can possibly be considered the shortest route? This leads me to my aforementioned conclusion: Fuck Google maps.

At this point, I consider it behoovy of me to share with you some of the best shortcuts I have learned throughout the years.

--Keep moving forward! If a train comes that is going in your direction, take it. You may meet up with your train at a future stop.

--If you miss your transfer to the downtown D/B express trains at W. 4th St. and an F/V train is across the platform, hop on. You should be able to catch up with the express at Broadway/Lafayette St.

--When going to Times Square, a Q train is often a less-crowded alternative to other express trains.

--Take the A train to get uptown to Harlem and Washington Heights quickly. It is sometimes even faster to overshoot your stop and take the local back.

--Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the G train offers a valid route from the southern part of Brooklyn through Williamsburg. It might as well not even exist, as rare as it appears. Although it seems longer on the map, you are much better off taking a train to Union Square, and transferring to the L train.