Hot Trains, Summer in the City!

The changing seasons are one of the best things about living in New York, but each season comes with its own subway-related issues. Summer is the most obviously perilous; the subway terminals, especially those on the second lower level of a station (such as the B/D/F/V at West 4th Street) become unbearably hot, the garbage melts and rots in the most foul manner, and rats abound. Not all of the subway trains have air conditioning, either, so look alive when the train pulls in. However, as stated earlier, if a car is empty, do not enter!

In addition to the smells and heat of summer, common pitfalls include people wearing much less clothing than their unique physique allows. If you are a large person, spandex tank tops are not your friend. And if you are going to wear flip-flops in public, for the sake of all that is holy, get a pedicure. If your hooves are coming out of your mandals, that is gross enough, but if you are a woman with gnarly toes, giving shrimp and/or biscuit* with crust everywhere, that is enough to make a grown man gag. There must be 10,000 Korean nail technicians in New York City who will make your toes gorgeous for about $20. Make the investment. You’re worth it—and so are we.

If you are a woman who favors the European style of body hair, do me a personal favor and lift your arms a lot around tourists, just to gross them out. (Warning: This may also gross out locals.) Hair or no hair is fine by me, as long as when you lift those pits, the smell is minimal, and the little white deodorant beads are non-existent. There is truly nothing as disgusting as those little white armpit nodules.

Also regarding the weather, it often rains in the city, and many of the trains have leaks. In addition, people like to put wet umbrellas on the empty seat next to them, leaving a puddle of water. If it is raining, take extra care to make sure that you are neither sitting in a puddle of water, or under an active leak. Also, watch your step more so on rainy days. The floors can get very slippery.

* Giving shrimp is when your shoes are too small, forcing the toes to curl over like shrimp.
Giving biscuit occurs when your too-tiny shoes force the heel to hang over the edge, like a biscuit.